Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The New Normal - 3/6/12

She never asked "why me?"

The answer would have been "why not me?"

But she's hurting, she's sick, and she's tired.

"You're strong," they tell her.

She feels like a fraud.

She feels weak, sad, and mad.

"You look good," they tell her.

But her eyes are yellow.

She's lost 25 pounds.

She's losing her hair again.

Neuropathy has taken over her left foot and both hands.

What has happened to her body, mind, and spirit?

A force stronger than her has taken over.

She wonders how she'll make it through another day.

Too much chemotherapy, radiation, injections, pills, blood transfusions, and hospital stays.

It's enough to drive a sane woman crazy.

But she keeps going.

Not knowing how to give up or to give in.

"It could be worse," she tells herself.

But it's no comfort.

She misses being herself.

She misses feeling good, full of energy, and being happy.

She wants her life back.

She can't adjust to the new normal.

It sucks big time.

She watches another beautiful day from her window.

"I want to run again," she says.

Instead she shuffles back to her couch, in front of the television.

Sitting, tears in her eyes, and gasping for air, she knows that she can't even walk too far before feeling faint.

One day, she'll run again.

She knows in her heart that the new normal has to be temporary.

She will be well again.

Patience she's never had would come in handy now.

Hope is all that remains.

She has to believe.

9 comments:

  1. Hi Angela, you don't know me but I've heard a lot of great things about you from Naresh, Joshua, and Dallas. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and hope you're doing well. Take care. :)

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  2. "One day, she'll run again."

    Yes, and you have/will have a lot of friends running along there with you. :)

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  3. Hang in there girl, yes one day you will run again, please continue to believe.

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  4. angela ur a fighter ........im sure ull survive this .....ur a role model....hang on iron lady

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  5. Angela,

    I'm praying for you and your recovery.

    Cassie

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  6. Angela, we will miss you.

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  7. Reading your poem is sad. Looking at your race schedule and remembering the races I was at with you -- always a bright light and a positive force. Full of love, hope and joy. We have already missed you at the races -- never to see you there again, where you loved to be, is unbearable. I hope you are running again... Your spirit will live on in each of us who you have touched.

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  8. What a sad, sad day for the running world. I'll miss scanning the entry lists for my upcoming races and saying "Oh sweet, Angela is running this one too!". Heck, I even smiled when I saw your name in the results for races I didn't even run. Such was the positive impact you had on an almost complete stranger like me. You truly touched the world!!

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  9. I will miss seeing your always smiling face appearing seemingly randomly at races. I have no doubt you have had a positive impact on all you have crossed paths with, and will live on in all of us.

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