She never asked "why me?"
The answer would have been "why not me?"
But she's hurting, she's sick, and she's tired.
"You're strong," they tell her.
She feels like a fraud.
She feels weak, sad, and mad.
"You look good," they tell her.
But her eyes are yellow.
She's lost 25 pounds.
She's losing her hair again.
Neuropathy has taken over her left foot and both hands.
What has happened to her body, mind, and spirit?
A force stronger than her has taken over.
She wonders how she'll make it through another day.
Too much chemotherapy, radiation, injections, pills, blood transfusions, and hospital stays.
It's enough to drive a sane woman crazy.
But she keeps going.
Not knowing how to give up or to give in.
"It could be worse," she tells herself.
But it's no comfort.
She misses being herself.
She misses feeling good, full of energy, and being happy.
She wants her life back.
She can't adjust to the new normal.
It sucks big time.
She watches another beautiful day from her window.
"I want to run again," she says.
Instead she shuffles back to her couch, in front of the television.
Sitting, tears in her eyes, and gasping for air, she knows that she can't even walk too far before feeling faint.
One day, she'll run again.
She knows in her heart that the new normal has to be temporary.
She will be well again.
Patience she's never had would come in handy now.
Hope is all that remains.
She has to believe.
11 months ago